Again the cognitive limitations of mortal Man are again dragged, mewling and bloody, into the violet dawn of Hurtsvillian scrutiny. You see, the ballot for the 2015 Hall of Fame has been released, and my preternatural skills of pattern recognition reveal to me that, as is typical, it will be grossly mishandled. Breaking character somewhat, I, The Foiler (ahaha and all that) will expend just the tiniest effort as a gift to you unfortunate, contemptible vermin, in the interests of seeing something done right. Here’s the straight dope on all the new names on the ballot, and a few opinions (or as we call them in Hurtsville, undeniable cosmic truths). The following contest will be scheduled for one fall!
The New Hotness:
Pedro Martinez- One of the few so good he only has to have a first name, Pedro at his best is arguably the most unhittable (the least hittable? Doesn’t sound as good) righty in the last 40 years. He was historically dominant during his peak years, and those just happened to coincide with the biggest offensive seasons in baseball history, giving him a case for some of the best individual seasons ever, era-adjusted or no. Doesn’t have a gaudy win total, but Wins are a misleading stat and Pedro is the man, end of story.
Nomar Garciaparra- Fondly remembered by Jimmy Fallon and Boston fans as the guy they staked all their hopes to before injuries robbed him of his swing, Nomar was the face of the Red Sox until he was traded to the Dodgers mid-2004, leading to the best 10-year run in franchise history. Not a HOFer.
John Smoltz- I wonder if/how is status as part 3 of the pitching Cerberus that was the Atlanta Braves, along with Maddux and Glavine (who were inducted last year) will impact the votes. There will be some who won’t accept 3 members of the same pitching rotation all getting elected. John Smoltz was a very good starter, excelled in the bullpen upon his return from TJ surgery (unlike the ‘you suck at pitching, now you’re a reliever’ story most guys play out), and made a successful return to the rotation, which is unprecedented in modern ball. I think Smoltzie showed not only raw ability but adaptability and dedication to his craft in a way few other pitchers have been in a position to. I also think he has an ERA+ of 125, which is just a hair behind returning (and deserving) candidate Curt Schilling’s 127. For perspective, Greg Maddux has an ERA+ of 132, while Tom Glavine has an ERA+ of 118. Hmm.
Rich Aurilia- A decent hitter for a shortstop, Rich Aurilia had a good year in 2001 at the plate and also has no chance of making the Hall of Fame.
Carlos Delgado- I’m a fan, but Delgado doesn’t have the milestone numbers to impress the old-schoolers, and an in-depth analysis doesn’t change the story much. Delgado was very good, a difference maker in the lineups of several teams, but he’d need 3-4 more big years to really be in the conversation.
Gary Sheffield- He rubbed a lot of people the wrong way, but he knew what he was doing on the field (even if it was playing badly to force a trade). PR issues, a big mouth, and suspicions about his off-field behavior and clubhouse presence won’t help him either, but I think he will make it in eventually. It will be a crime if he makes it in before Piazza or Bonds, though.
Troy Percival- I love this guy’s name. I also believe saves are a dumb statistic. Percival was a top-tier guy in his role, but it’s probably not enough if Lee Smith still hasn’t made it and John Franco is off the ballot already. The ERA+ of 146 is the highest among any of the other first-time candidates this year, and would be pretty high among the very few relievers to make the Hall. He could very well miss the minimum to appear again, but I’d be interested to see how he looks next year when comparisons to Trevor Hoffman begin.
Aaron Boone- Barely making the service time requirement, Boone had one big moment in an unremarkable career and is very much 2003’s Bucky Dent (or Chris Chambliss, depending on who you’d prefer to insult). If you look at Aaron Boone’s Wikipedia page, the picture they have will make you want to punch him.
Randy Johnson- Not even worth the effort to type out the numbers, the guy was just brilliant for about ¾ of an impressive and lengthy career. Without question the greatest body of work for a lefty starting pitcher. Please shut up about Sandy Koufax. Nicknamed The Big Unit because of his enormous penis, which helped him generate all that torque when he brought his back leg around.
Tony Clark- A switch-hitting first basemen with fewer than 1,000 RBI does not make the Hall of Fame. Also, it never helps to play for the Padres.
Jermaine Dye- A guy with tremendous talent, bad luck, and a streaky career. Despite a lot of missed time, Dye flashed some impressive power and a cannon arm in the outfield, playing a huge part of the White Sox’ championship run in 2005. We’d be having a different conversation if Dye had reached his potential a little bit earlier and didn’t destroy his leg in 2003 with Oakland, but it is what it is, and Dye isn’t a HOFer.
Darin Erstad- Had ‘heart’ and ‘guts’ and ‘knew how to win’, despite not doing all that much of it. Hacky sports analysts like that he was a punter in college. I do not. Darin Erstad’s greatest contribution Major League Baseball is giving the Fire Joe Morgan guys an early target (though he was surpassed in undeserved praise by FJM favorite David Eckstein in short order).
Cliff Floyd- Another guy who couldn’t stay on the field, Cliff Floyd averaged only 95 games per season. Solid at the dish and in the field, Floyd was by all accounts a welcome presence in the clubhouse, where he encouraged his teammates to play while he dealt with yet another injury. He played for the Expos, and will be one of the last former Expos to appear on the ballots (although Tim Raines is still on there). Fun fact: before they became the Washington Nationals, the Montreal Expos (located in Canada) was the only MLB club to wear red, white, and blue.
Brian Giles- Not to be confused with the other Brian Giles, more-recent Brian Giles was a good ballplayer, not great, who will not be appearing on any ballots this year, and probably none in the years to come.
Tom Gordon- They called him Flash Gordon, which is pretty cool. A young sensation for the Royals, Gordon was a lopsided pitcher, with plenty of K’s and an ERA that went from Minnie Minoso to Mo Vaughn pretty quickly. He converted to relief and had a dominant stretch as a closer, but he’s nowhere near the level needed to even get a second look. As is typical, closers are overvalued while relievers are, in broad terms, largely overlooked.
Eddie Guardado- Pitching for 6 teams, Eddie Guardado is notable for 2 things: sticking around long enough to be on this list, and being confused with tragic wrestling superstar Eddie Guerrero during barroom discussions.
Jason Schmidt- A pretty good pitcher for a little while. Honestly, I thought this guy was an infielder until I fact-checked him. That says it all.
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